Road Trip Your Way to Love
We have decided that one of the BEST ways to get to know someone and your compatibility is to take a road trip. We’ll explain why more, and we have a few suggestions for your love life (you don’t have to listen to us, but we love our marriage and feel like we’ve learned a few things we want to share). We’re always looking to learn more and grow our relationship, so feel free to give US suggestions, too.
One of our first dates--Craters of the Moon.
First, some background: we met through a mutual friend when Sarah was a mime—true story. Some of our first dates were mini day trips doing new things together: snow shoeing & trying “Pickle’s Place,” cross-country skiing, Hot Wheels race competitions, finding hot springs, and then things around town like mudding and getting stuck in John’s jeep (oops), picking up a puppy and babysitting it then driving to deliver said puppy to some Montana friends, and the occasional movies and bowling. We knew we liked each other—there was no doubt about it. But was it just initial attraction and shared excitement of fun activities in a small town? We decided to find out by taking a road trip to Canada.
Here’s a free love lesson: Want to know something or how someone’s feeling? Ask. It’s a lesson that didn’t sink in for Sarah until she was about…oh, um, 24. Now, that doesn’t mean you shake someone’s hand or finish a first date and ask, “Do you love me yet?” so please use common sense. But honestly, once you get to a certain point (well, any point really), why waste your time? Yeah, rejection/not getting the answer you hoped for hurts and is a bummer, but you may as well detach yourself sooner rather than later. Plus, we both knew that we wanted marriage to be a forever-sorta-thing, so why pretend to be someone or keep secrets when it would wind up leading to disappointment for everyone? AND, it’s super empowering to be able to say, “How do you feel about ______?” and to be ok with the answer.
S: "How do you feel about white umbrellas?" J: "No. But for you, fine."
Back to the story at hand. Our road trip took us from Idaho --> Montana --> Calgary (Go Flames!) --> Banff (breathtaking) --> Vancouver (sea kayaking) --> Seattle (good friends) --> Missoula (“I love you”!!!) -->Idaho. You can read more details about that soon under "Stateside." And, my friends, we learned a LOT and fell in love along the way. Here’s why road tripping can lead to love, or finding out that you’re just not compatible (no matter how cute they are):
1. You’re in a vehicle. Together. For a long period of time. Do you have things to talk about? Can you harmonize? (Sarah can lip sync and John can car dance like no other) Do you grate on each others’ nerves? Is someone a backseat driver? For us, we LOVED this. It was amazing to get all of this un-interrupted time together to talk, share stories, and….
Ah! So much talking!
2. Share music. Are you musically compatible? Or do you both like audio books/podcasts? While we didn’t share Christmas music (future advice post about this coming), we did take turns being the DJ, and neither of us tried to jump from the moving vehicle. We’ve also recently started adding audio books/podcasts for our road trips. The Canada one was pure music, though.
You picked what?!
3. Ask Questions! We had a couple that has a marriage we both admire write us a list of questions. Some were funny, some were serious, and all led to some interesting conversations. It was a great time to be able to ask questions that maybe we hadn’t thought of, or questions we weren’t sure when to bring up—like how many kids do you want? Or, would you rather be a gynecologist or a proctologist? (Note: Knowing the definitions is really helpful. John picked gynecologist which really offended Sarah because she had assumed proctologist was the male version of a gynecologist. Oops) There are also books of questions you can get. But guys, take advantage! Seriously! It was so great to get to know each other this way. And made it interesting. Another fun way to ask questions: take quizzes. Remember like 10 years ago when Myspace was big? Well, there were so many quizzes on there (Sarah and her roommates in college would take them...sitting across from each other on their bunks. They were pretty cool). The one we took on the trip, though, was a Love Language Quiz. Everyone loves differently (most likely how you were taught to love by your parents) and everyone shows love differently. The key? Knowing those differences and then using that knowledge by putting forth tons of effort. It really helps!
Serious time :(
4. Serious Conversations—we don’t know about you, but sometimes it can be really nice to have a serious conversation when you’re not staring into each other’s eyes at a restaurant. In fact, sitting side by side in a vehicle where no one can run away, makes it kind of reassuring. Is this a “make it or break it” moment? Can we talk through difficult things? Granted, this isn’t as light-hearted, but if you think that you’re dating the one you want to marry or someone you’re feeling more serious about, we still think you should cover those issues that scare you.
Don't be sad, have some ice cream.
5. You see all sides of that person—what they look like early in the morning, late at night, when they’re hungry, during road rage, and when they’re lost. You also learn their expectations. John did a lot of the driving—although he did let Sarah drive his Jeep quite a bit (this is how you just know you have a future with someone)—and he thought she would be the Navigator. Sarah is fine with sitting back and looking at cars. She didn’t know what he wanted until he vocalized it. Life lesson: VOCALIZE. Thankfully, she was prepared with her printed out Google Maps (sorry, no international service for this thrifty couple), and was able to pitch in right away. John also came down with a cold, and Sarah got to see how he was when he was sick. And not just a peek, or the obligatory “Get well soon—I’m outta here” visit, but a week. In a car. Being sick. And ya know what? She loved him even more.
6. You’re creating new memories and experiences together. Sliding down icy trails because we didn’t have yaktrax, finding frozen waterfalls, having terrible coffee, pretending to be Canadian, taking crazy photos, eating with the most beautiful view in the world, sea kayaking and almost getting run over by a ship, hostel mix-ups, showing John some of Sarah’s favorite rocks in Montana, and eating with friends = amazing to share with someone you love! And you get to see how people handle new experiences, can you laugh about it together? Can you share the adrenaline? Does one person prefer to just relax? Can he take a good picture? Can she get dirty? These are important things!
First comes an "I love you," then a pretty ring?!
Our road trip had a happy ending. John and Sarah pulled off just outside of Missoula, MT so she could show him one of her favorite sandy river beaches and rocks. She took off her shoes and went running. She thought she said, “Come on,” but John didn’t hear her and thought she might be mad at him. He still followed her. After climbing up the rocks and finding themselves on a cliff, they embraced. Then John said those magical words: “I love you.” Fireworks! Ok, not really, but Sarah felt like there was. It really was magical.
Stop. Think. Run!
Now…what do you do if you start this road trip and it isn’t as magical, or issues do arise that are dealbreakers? You have a couple of options. If it’s a bad situation, or making you uncomfortable: BAIL. We knew each other long enough and trusted each other enough, that this wasn’t a foreseeable issue. However, if you’re a FastFrancy or FastFrank, make sure you always give yourself an out. You shouldn’t be uncomfortable. Have a “friend stop” on the way in case you do need to bail, or turn around if it’s not that far into it. If it isn’t an uncomfortable situation, just an “I’m not really into you” occurrence, then enjoy those memories, experience the places, and then be glad you found out NOW, rather than later. Maybe you’ll want to still be friends—in fact, maybe it went SO well that you’re besties now, but no chemistry. Or maybe you won’t—that’s ok, too. Just be honest.
What do you think? Do you think a road trip would be a good idea for you? Where would you go?
Chasing Time Zones,
J&S