Montego Bay, Jamaica
Our high-five for the success of survival!
Our honeymoon was incredible—30 days with air planes, trains, 1 rental car, navigating foreign grocery stores, multiple languages, hostels, 6 countries, and lots of amazing sights. Please note that “relaxing on a beach and being catered to by a butler” was not in that list. You know what? We wouldn’t of had it any other way!
However, being the empathetic people that we are, we wanted to find out what all the hype was about these “all-inclusive resorts.” The perfect time to go would be Thanksgiving time frame as it would allow us to maximize our time there without taking too much vacation, and we could belatedly celebrate our 1st year anniversary (John shot down Sarah’s idea of a “renewal of vows”…mostly she just wanted all of her friends and family around in a tropical place). At first we thought the Dominican Republic sounded awesome—until the return flight mysteriously disappeared. We looked at our budget, and the flight options and finally chose: Jamaica!
Next, we needed to figure out where in Jamaica. We wanted something that was all-inclusive, and that wouldn’t have a ton of children. After reading numerous reviews, thanks TripAdvisor!, and weighing the pros and cons, we chose Iberostar Grand Rose Hall in Montego Bay (please note: we’re not getting paid for anything. If we ever are, we’ll tell you). It was an adults only resort, and included a butler (hey, if you’re gonna go all out, GO. ALL. OUT.)
The view from our balcony <3
The Good:
The reviews advised that once you checked in, they’d sometimes upgrade you (THEY DID!!!), and to make reservations for restaurants in advance (we did and had zero issues). Next, we figured out our transportation from the airport—Reggae Tours. We also wanted to spend the majority of our time there since, ya know, we were paying for it. However, that didn’t stop us from booking a few excursions:
Luminous Lagoon, Riding Horses (this has become a bit of a tradition since Iceland), Dolphin Cove, a massage under the stars, and a snorkeling trip.
The look of a girl who has it all planned!
Sarah made a cute calendar and folder with all of the information. She, personally, finds it easier to enjoy and relax during week long trips if she isn’t having to Google everything the day before. It’s just a personal preference. However, when she’s backpacking through Europe or on longer trips, she just brings “ideas/suggestions” for miscellaneous things (hostels, activities, and even restaurants) to make it a little easier. Yeah, it takes time, but it is SO worth it.
We landed in Jamaica and found our driver—it was great. We didn’t have to share with anyone since it was taxi-style AND we got a Jamaican beer. So refreshing. The tour guide clearly had a script memorized and did a great job of pointing out sites—he didn’t quite know what to do when his speech got interrupted by questions, but once he repeated the lines, he was right back on track :)
At the resort, we were greeted with Mimosas (should probably mention that we had an all-night flight and no food…Jamaica was looking great at this point!) and warm towels. Then our room was upgraded to an ocean balcony view. Sigh. So beautiful. After going to our room, our butler, Kevoy, met us. He took our preferences for the mini bar, and also noticed we were celebrating our anniversary. He asked us when we’d like our romantic surprise and since Sarah hadn’t penciled that into the schedule—they asked him to surprise them. We changed as fast as possible, and rushed off to the lunch buffet on the beach. We had a dinner reservation at the Italian place, La Toscana, on site. If we had ordered better, I think we would have enjoyed it more. John wasn’t a fan of his raw meat appetizer, and Sarah wasn’t too crazy about her hunk of cooked meat….we like our pasta!
Most of Monday night and Tuesday was spent relaxing on the beach, sipping Blue Hawaiins and Jamaican Smiles. Mmmm, delicious. There was plenty of shade for John, and plenty of sun and sand for Sarah. We had our Kindles with us (hey! We’re fast learners and didn’t bring a bag of books this time) for reading pleasure, and would take ocean breaks to play with our waterproof camera. This must be the life!
The Luminous:
The second night we went to Luminous Lagoon—amazing! We took a really nice tour bus out there and appreciated the girl’s sense of humor. We had our glass of rum punch (wait, there was supposed to be punch in it?!), and then headed out. After going midway into the lagoon, we were able to jump out and luminate ourselves! It was amazing—lifting your arm and seeing it sparkle, there’s so much potential for an incredible photo shoot there. We wound up buying some pictures as our camera just wasn’t up to par to capture it. Afterwards we had dinner at the Japanese restaurant, Kiniro. The chef was hilarious, and we were the only 2 at this area. It was splendid!
The Bad
(Jamaican Cowboys Attack)
The next day…well…was stressful and insane. It was horseback riding day, and the weather looked…monsoonish? First it started off with everything being late. Sarah quickly learned that Jamiacan time is not a time zone she’s familiar with. Eventually, after a long ride, multiple stops, and some traffic jams, we got to the ranch. There wasn’t much instruction, but we’re good at following the crowd, so we made our way towards the helmets. Then we were assigned a horse and rode in a circle for awhile. Once everyone was mounted, we set off for an unforgettable ride.
This is at the beginning of the ride. John is SO excited!
1st: Jamaican cowboys do exist. They love to go fast, rain or shine. When your horse takes off, and it’s raining, and you’re in a swimsuit, you may find it hard to hold on. At least we did. You got a personal guide every few horses, and ours did a great job of snapping pictures! As for the ride: honestly, there are no words…except that, it’s an adventure. Would we do it again? Probably not. Did it make a great story? Absolutely.
See how this photo makes you dizzy? It's pretty accurate. Now imagine being on the horse.
Those are rain drops. A lot of them!
After successfully staying upright on the galloping horse both uphill and downhill, surviving the lightning and thunder, and getting to try some fresh fruit along the way (thanks buddy!), we made it back. Now was the time Sarah had been anticipating: horseback riding on the beach at sunset. Sure, it was raining, but that’s ok, right? It would just make it more romantic.
Please note, this is what Sarah thought riding horses on the beach would look like:
Don't worry, her expectations were realistic: she thought they'd be on separate horses!
This is what it actually looked like:
Sarah’s perspective:
I got on my horse and was second in line to be led INTO the water (not the beach NEAR the water, not even the SURF of the beach. No, no, it was the full on “I can’t even stand in this” deep water). That’s fine. Then the horse in front of me decided it needed to go to the bathroom. Surprise: horse feces float. So I tried to maneuver my legs on top of the horse's head to avoid that delight. Then my horse was SWIMMING and sounded like I might be torturing it as it swam in a circle. I genuinely felt terrible for weighing so much and making it go swimming. AH!
We changed and waited for our ride back for our super relaxing massage….our ride was late. We were stressed. We wound up making it to the hotel 10 minutes before our appointment. Boy, did we need it! We got there and were given zero instructions except to put on a bathrobe and wait in the lobby. Our nerves may have been a little high strung at this point. However, once we were led into the spa area which was closed off just for us, given a bottle of champagne, and a few chocolates, we calmed right down. Talking about our near death experiences on the horses, and how funny life was, we got back into the Jamaican spirit. Afterwards we had our massages on the balcony with candles and rose petals. It was divine.
In the middle of dinner at Jamaican Port Maria, Sarah felt really sick. We hurried to our room and….SURPRISE! Romantic night planned! They had rose petals, towel swans, champagne and delicious dessert, and a Jacuzzi tub bath waiting. Sarah stood in the bathtub to get the experience and then had to lay down (yay romance!). The next day they asked Kevoy if he could do another romantic evening (so that they could truly enjoy it) and he did! Such a swell guy!
The Beautiful:
Dolphins!!!! We were so excited for this part. We went to the smaller Dolphin Cove in Negril because a) it was closer and b) all we really wanted was to swim with dolphins. We got to get kisses from 2 dolphins, pulled by them, and then pushed up on our feet. It was INCREDIBLE. They are breathtaking animals. The fact that they’re held in part of the ocean with a net that they could jump over also helps. Since it was too windy, we weren’t able to play with the sharks. BUT. Dolphins!
The Ugly
(Snorkeling)
The day before we left was our snorkel trip. John was super excited for this because he loves to snorkel and wanted Sarah to experience it before she got scuba certified (spoiler alert: she gets scuba certified a few months later!). Sarah, however, is a very literal learner. So when she asked, “How do I wear the gear?” she truly wanted to be shown. Instead she was given the gear on the boat, and told to put it on and put the snorkel in her mouth. Hmm…ok. She put it in wrong (oops). Oh, and her jacket was so inflated that she couldn’t swim down, so you’re welcome boat for the great view of her wedgie. One more thing, she fell getting out of the boat and had a great rope burn bruise (that part’s true—bruises are battle scars—be proud!). About 20 minutes in, she figured out how to breathe with a snorkel in the right way. The guide was nice and pointed out some pretty fish. About 25 minutes into our hour snorkel trip, we were told to get back in the boat. The end. That night at dinner we met a family who had an amazing snorkel trip. They said they went in the morning one, so that may be better. Sarah hopes to experience better snorkeling in the future now that she knows how to breathe, and can deflate her jacket (hopefully) to actually be under the water.
The Recap:
Having breakfast on our balcony in the morning, trying the restaurants, and making friends at the pool bar were a ton of fun. The atmosphere was so relaxing, and you could find a spot on the beach easily. We loved just walking the beach, trying to take photos at night (thanks John for your patience!), checking out the night events (great Newlywed game), sitting at the bar and listening to jazz, getting romantic evenings planned for us, sitting on the porch swing, and enjoying the amazing view hand in hand. Needless to say, we get it you guys—it makes an incredible honeymoon!
This was so long and didn’t even cover how John came to love “pervy drinks,” but we may have to keep that story for next time. Our next tropical vacation will be in Cozumel, Mexico to scuba dive (YAY! And don’t worry, Sarah figured out how to pop her ears and breathe underwater), but we've planned this one to be a completely different experience. We can’t wait to share how that one is!
Make a splash--wherever you go!
Stay tuned for more of our international adventures. Where did you honeymoon or where is your dream honeymoon? Do you prefer the adventure, like us, or the relaxation and all-inclusive (also like us)?
Chasing Time Zones,
J&S
